Establishing Boundaries: 5 Tips for Handling Horses in Harmony and Straightness

Last week, I observed one of my clients struggling with her horse on the ground while I was out teaching others. Her horse was pulling her all around, leaning back on the lead rope, lunging forward, and diving for grass. While I couldn’t help in the moment, I took some time to reflect, and sent an email with some tips to help when I’m not available, and realized how universally needed that information was. I realized I wasn’t formally taught how to lead horses with ease, and chances are, others weren’t either. I was inspired to put together this blog post with the intention to help others understand how to handle horses in harmony and straightness on the ground, and how that impacts everything else you do with your horse.

Many of us work extremely hard, and when we go to the barn, we just want to relax and spoil our wonderful horses. How much more enjoyable and refreshing would this time be if our horses learned to be light and straight on the lead rope, listening to us for guidance? What if we could teach horses balance in their whole being, just in the way we lead them and stand with them?

Leading Manchego into the barn for feeding time. He is straight, and mindful of my body position between his head and shoulder, waiting for me to give the cue that he can go into his stall.

No matter how much time we have to spend with our horses or what we intend to do with them each day, it's important that we are handling them in a consistent, coherent way so that they does not become confused or develop maladaptive habits like diving for grass, pulling on the lead, or pushing on us.

If we are not clear and congruent with our horses, they will feel anxious and insecure due to the lack of clear boundaries and understanding , and will develop postural patterns along with the pushing and pulling that will persist throughout the training process, affecting straightness and lightness under saddle too.

Boundaries are a commonly misunderstood concept. Many people consider boundaries like walls people can put around themselves. Lines that cannot be crossed and serve to separate, and distance. With this perception, it’s easy to think of boundaries in terms of when we say “no” or correct our horses. Some people think that setting a boundary is the same as punishing the horse. This easily enables, or even encourages feelings of anger, frustration, and aggression to make their way to the surface when setting a boundary. And if those emotions aren’t comfortable and don’t feel comfortable, it’s easy to feel guilty or even ashamed when setting a boundary. I feel this is something that many women struggle with. We can struggle to set healthy boundaries for fear of offending or hurting someone else, and have been taught directly or indirectly that boundaries are confrontational, and it’s better to chill out and be polite.

I see boundaries very differently. I once participated in a webinar about connection, in which Rupert Isaacson described a boundary as a semi-permeable membrane, like our skin, or like we have around every cell in our body. It filters what comes in, and what comes out. It doesn’t necessarily separate what’s inside and outside the cell, but that membrane regulates it, and keeps what’s inside safe. It provides structure and enables life to function inside and outside the cell. This is a beautiful analogy of a boundary. So it’s not so much about drawing a line to set apart, but instead to provide safety and clarity.

When we have clear boundaries, other people understand how they can communicate best with us. The understanding of boundaries enables others to relax around us and connect on a deeper level. Boundaries help clarify the parameters and the qualities of the relationship. They also, paradoxically, enable more freedom. When we have clear boundaries, others do not need to walk on eggshells around us— they understand who we are and how they can operate in our world in a way that is harmonious.

This is true with horses too.

When we set clear boundaries with horses, they are able to relax around us and feel more comfortable in the relationship.

The boundaries are like reference points. As an analogy that will take very literal meaning later in this post, think about walking a straight line. Isn’t it easier when you have a straight line on the ground, or a fence line to follow? That’s your boundary. It does not force you to go in a straight line, and you’re not in trouble if you deviate, but it makes it easier. It shows you what straight looks like so you can relax and follow along.

In that same Connection webinar, Jane Pike explained how when you have clear boundaries, you must be willing to lose. Boundaries can, and will be crossed from time to time, whether in your relationship with your horse or with other people. And that’s where we have to be willing to change our behavior, in some cases walking away from a situation, in order to keep ourselves safe in honoring our own boundaries.

Boundaries are not about control, they are about staying true to ourselves and requiring that our needs be met in a relationship to participate in that relationship.

On this theme of developing healthy boundaries to help both you and your horse to feel safe and move in harmony, I’ve put together a few tips:

1. Be very aware and clear about body position when you are leading.

The horse should walk where you are positioned somewhere between their head and point of shoulder. If horse passes your shoulder with the point of their shoulder, immediately exhale (to release tension) and stop your feet. Focus on stopping and grounding yourself, then you'll ask the horse to follow suite. Allow them to keep going until they realize that they passed you, or hit the end of the lead rope, then guide them back to where they crossed that boundary, "undoing" those steps by backing up, or yielding the shoulders or hind quarters, as needed. The concept is that the horse has the agency to make a choice-- either lead correctly with you, or go off on their own, but when they choose the latter, there are extra steps involved in getting back to you. It is not a punishment, and the horse is not in trouble, so do not treat it that way or allow your energy to shift. But they will quickly learn that it is much easier to just stay with you, and they will choose that on their own.

There may be situations in which we ask the horse to follow us, or go ahead of us, for practical reasons (like on a trail, or trailer loading), or training (working in hand in different postures), and the horse can learn to adapt to that. However, I begin with teaching horses this body position for basic leading.

When they’re able to use me as a pillar or reference point for where to walk and what straight looks like, then I can shape them and trust that they’re with me mentally, and seeking the same lightness and balance they’ve enjoyed for all the leading we will have done up to that point.

Sage understood body position so well, we could walk at liberty in the field, totally straight. He felt safe walking with me. This was necessary for me to be able to help him with his postural issues.

We probably spend more time leading our horses than any other activity. When we do it mindfully, taking care that the horse is straight and walking parallel to us, we set them up for success in numerous other tasks.

If the horse is pushing a shoulder towards you, or nudging with the nose, they are not straight in their body. Inevitably, this comes with uneven weight through the forehand, leaning on one shoulder, twisting the rib cage, and pushing off of the hind legs (one more than the other) instead of bearing weight. We can consider these behaviors as signs of pushiness, while also understanding that they are balance issues. Most of the time, by remaining attentive to straightness and correcting when the horse gets crooked, without tension, the pushiness resolves itself.

Balance enables relaxation.

2. Keep the lead rope completely light all the time other than when you're cuing intentionally and directly with it.

This means when you lead your horse, there should be slack in the rope. The reason is that we want to teach self impulsion and self carriage at every step of the training process. When we maintain frequent, even low-level pressure to the rope (or any other aid), we are dulling the horse to that aid, and communicating that there must always be pressure to maintain forward movement. (This happens frequently with legs that are always on, or squeeze every stride to keep the horse going under saddle.) Whereas what we'd rather have is a horse that responds to light pressure immediately, which we can then release, and then the horse maintains what you've asked until a new aid is presented. It's the concept of "keep going until further notice". This leads right into what the horse will eventually learn under saddle, which is to go forward immediately off of a light leg aid, which we release immediately, and they should maintain rhythm and energy until further notice.

Manchego understood the concept of self carriage and self impulsion on the ground— I could give an aid, he would respond, I would release, and he would maintain until further notice. That enabled our first ride restarting to look like this. Loose rope attached to the halter, walking straight between my legs.

“Hand without leg, leg without hand”

— Francois Baucher.

We have to release our aids for clarity and impulsion.

The other reason we need to return to lightness is to promote healthy postural patterns. Horses that are pushing and pulling have brace and imbalance in their bodies-- it puts them on the forehand and leaning on one shoulder.

3. Release aids immediately after you get a response.

This goes right along with my previous point, but horses always seek lightness and space. The quicker we release our aids, the clearer we are to the horse, and the faster and more reliable they become at responding to us. So, when you ask your horse to walk forward, if they don’t simply walk with you with no pressure on the rope, apply light pressure. If they don't go forward then, instead of increasing the pressure, or releasing to try something else, clarify your ask by adding another aid on top. This usually takes the form of pressure towards the horse's barrel, directing them forward. So, the sequence is: walk forward, pull on the rope, then while still maintaining light pressure on the rope, swinging the tail of your rope or a flag or whip towards the barrel, and when the horse begins to step forward, release everything. Repeat as many times as you need to. Eventually the clarifying aids will not be necessary and the horse will understand and be willing to walk forward with you. In this sequence, we are clarifying our ask instead of amplifying.

Clarification creates lightness, whereas amplification creates dullness and resistance.

4. Set a clear intention.

While I am very much a trainer who listens to horses and adapts to what they need where they are in each moment, I am also very clear in my intention. If I want to walk from point A to point B, I set that intention. If there comes up a reason the horse cannot get there, I may take a detour and meet that need, and then continue to point B. But if the horse just asks (or demands) to take another path, like perhaps diving for grass on the way, I do not allow that to pull me from my path. There is no punishment, but I provide clarity and security to the horse by being clear on my own path, and showing the horse that it is safe and light there.

I listen to the horse with willingness to adapt to best support them, and I am grounded and confident in the sentiment “wherever I ask you to put your feet will be safe”.

I think it's really healthy to hand graze horses. Not enough people do it, and this leads to the horses seeing their person as the end of grazing time, or someone who withholds food. At the same time, we have to be very mindful about how we approach grazing horses so that they are not developing habits of pulling and diving onto the forehand, leaning on us. Therefore, you need a cue to let the horse know when it's ok to start to graze, and when grazing time is over. I typically point at the ground and simply say, "Ok, you can graze". When grazing time is over, I say "and, head up", and then pull up. As soon as the head starts to come up I release, and repeat as necessary. If you're consistent enough, the horse will eventually lift their head up and listen for next steps when you just give the verbal cue, and you won't have to pull on their head. It's important to allow grazing on your terms-- when you've set that intention, not when the horse has pulled on you to ask for grass. The last thing we want to do is reward pulling and not staying mentally present with us, where we're going, and what we're doing. The same thing goes with the timing of giving treats and petting the horse. If our timing and communication are off, we can turn a positive bonding experience into one that produces anxiety and pushy postural patterns.

Hand grazing Sir William at his first event in 2014

5. Practice standing with the rope loose, which will become ground tying when the horse becomes trustworthy enough to drop the rope.

While it's not a problem to groom horses while they graze, a horse that is grazing physically has to move their feet. It's hardwired in their genetics to eat and take step forward, as nomadic, grazing, herd animals. It's how they evolved, and how they will always be. So, if you're hand grazing, you cannot reasonably work on standing still or ground tying. That being said, if you are hand grazing while grooming your horse, just keep the rope loose and follow them where they go. Attempting to hold the horse in place or just maintaining pressure on the rope will dull them to the rope aids, which translate to rope aids when leading, and rein aids in groundwork and riding.

Zelda demonstrates how the grazing posture of a horse sets them up to continuously take a step forward again and again.

If you do want to work on teaching the horse to stand still, go to an area without the temptation of grass or forage, like the barn aisle, arena, or even a gravel parking area. When you get the horse to where you'd like to stand and groom, let the rope go slack. Give the horse the option to take a step or walk away. But as soon as they do, ask them to go back where they came from. Just like leading in a particular body position, the horse will quickly learn it is much easier to stand still, no punishment or restriction needed. This is what setting healthy boundaries looks like.

There are days when horses feel amped up, or there's something in the environment that they're desperate to investigate. In those cases, I ask them to walk away and go check it out or reset their nervous system before they start to move. That way, you show that you are a positive leader-- you listen and anticipate their needs, and when they listen and wait on you, their needs are met and they are safe. Some horses that find it very difficult to stand still may find their release through movement, so I might reward small increments of standing with walking around and praising. Other horses find the best reward for good work in movement to be standing still. Evaluate your horses’ personality and needs, and adapt the training style to what they find rewarding, and what is gradually build trust to face what is challenging.

This concept of "wherever I ask you to put your feet will be safe" is under the surface of everything we do with horses, and to me it starts with standing still. So, when you work on this, any step the horse takes should be "undone" without tension, just a simple back up or yield shoulders or haunches back where they came from, then releasing pressure and returning to lightness. These micromovements you ask the horse to take when correcting unwanted movement should also be continuous with biomechanically centered in-hand work. If they can practice a correct and balanced movement, you’re setting them up for success. The details matter. If your horse walks forward and you chase them backwards, neck braced, diagonal pairs totally disunited, you’re teaching them to back up that way. Take the time you need to get it right!

Note that I do not recommend actually tying (or cross tying) a horse that cannot stand still ground tied. Standing still is a prerequisite to success being tied. If your horse cannot stand still and relaxed, they will end up pulling on the tie or ties, realize they are trapped and experience anxiety. Some will freeze or shut down and stop trying to pull away, and others will go into flight mode and pull until something breaks.

Ground tying comes from the horse feeling safe where you’ve shown them they can put their feet and rest their body.

By following these simple steps, you can have a more harmonious relationship and not have to push or pull your horse when you're together, which will give you the much needed recharging time with your horse!